Alas Smith not Jones Now I know that Paul is pushing for 100% participation and prompt submission, but please, lets not all be too hasty. This year, unlike any other, you might want to think very carefully before releasing your annual prediction entries for consideration. Indeed, those of you who reckon that an offseason of upheaval could somehow conspire to derail the 2002 San Diego bound Bucs might want to reconsider that presumption. Fact is, following recent exciting developments brought to you by the club’s hastily installed public relations department, you just don’t know who is potentially monitoring your wavering levels of Buccaneer devotion. You haven’t a clue who you might be upsetting by foreseeing an 8-8 record, and a premonition of being left home alone for the playoffs with nothing more than a ‘told you so’ message from Tony to keep you company. Well, actually, that’s not strictly true. Following PJ’s overwhelmingly successful visit with the Glazers, you do! Apparently, all front office staff now have this club’s website bookmarked on their PCs, and that’s straight from the horses mouth (I’m not calling you an ass Malcolm-it’s just a figure of speech). People, you want tickets to see the Buccaneers in action next year? I’d advise submitting nothing less generous than a 10-6 record. Remember, more haste, less speccies! Now I’m not one to blow my own trumpet, but I’d like to think that in some small way, I myself have managed to contribute towards the Bucs UK’s well deserved, new found Trans Atlantic recognition. And I’m not talking about ‘Alas Smith Not Jones’, the column which these days appears more hit n’ miss than heavyweight ‘Audry’ Harrison? Hardly. No, you see, but for my powers of persuasion, and ultimate desire to see Jonesy make a complete dick of himself, this all-important first date (from which it’s hoped a long and meaningful relationship with the Buccaneer franchise will blossom) may never have happened at all! As I recall, the meticulous planning and subsequent chain of events leading up to this historic meeting went something along the lines of these; “Smithy? It’s Jonesy. Those two southern ***ts don’t know who they’re messing with do they. Only gone and knocked up some fancy letter head at work, and faxed me through a letter claiming to be from Joel Glazer’s PA. Reckon to be blown away by the new website, and want to meet me in person to congratulate and thank me for all the hard work. Careford’s behind this. All that grief I gave him at the draft about selling us Rio Ferdinand. Bet Paul’s in on it too. Well they can go **** if they think I’m dumb enough to reply to it.” “Who’s the fax supposedly from Phil?” “A D. McCune. Couldn’t even think up a believable name. It’s Careford all the way this is. The two of them know I don’t know how to switch my computer on- they’ll be rolling about at the thought of me trying to explain the complexities of a website to the Buc’s front office brass. **** em! Still, do me a favour Tony, and run a search engine over this McCune woman. Just in case”. Fifteen minutes later, and Phil’s scepticism is looking well founded. “There IS a McCune listed on Tampa Bay’s official site Phil, but she’s…..a cheerleader. Likes horseriding, FSU, and pizza.” “Knew it. I bloody knew it! Trust Careford to add a touch of crass to proceedings” “Sounds like the accused reverting to type alright, but don’t you think you should phone the Buccaneers regardless. I mean, what if the appeal really is genuine? Think of the opportunity you’d be missing, and more importantly, think of the snub we’d be dishing out by not responding.” “Don’t be daft. It’s a wind up Tone, and you’ve got to get up awfully early these days to catch Jonesy hitting on unsuspecting young dancing girls (a point I’d like to contest), even if they do share my love of all things pepperoni. See ya.” All of two days past before (you’re getting ahead of me now) Phil Jones phones me back in somewhat of a lather; “Smithy, You’ll never guess what!” “Yes, I will” “No you won’t. I can’t sleep for worrying about the fax, so I take your advice, bite the bullet, and phone up the Bucs. Mrs. McCune only goes and answers the phone, tells me she’s being expecting a call, and that Joel is looking forward to meeting me. Am I thinking of attending any games this season she says, to which I casually reply that I’m flying out NEXT WEEK! Cause, I’m going to have to blag my way through the Bucpower.com technical query bits, but what the hell. Total result Tone.” So it was that your Vice President came to be reclining in a $291 club Lazy Boy during the first half of the Dolphins pre season game on 12 August. By his side were son Sam, and Buc booster legend Bill Thompson. Quite what the locals made of the lads sat there in shirt, tie, and trousers on a balmy Florida evening, Jonesy isn’t prepared to divulge, but common perception has it that at least one of the select party remained none to enamoured with the altogether flamboyant attire situation. “ A guy’s gonna hear it from his drinking buddies and bowling partners you know!” Even before Bill had figured out how to control his seat-back visuals and beer guy request controls, the gents were escorted to the rear of the Glazers private luxury suite where they were intercepted and ‘welcomed’ by a duo of armed guards. Once inside, Phil quickly realised that the lads had managed to bag themselves two owners for the price of one, as the Dolphins Wayne Huizenga strode forward to introduce himself hot on the heels of main man Malcolm. Once inside, Bill quickly realised that every hobnobbing one of them were wearing replica gameshirts. Once inside, Sam quickly realised that lording it with members of the NFL hierarchy was a damned site easier than his father had explained, or indeed proved. It wasn’t a bit like meeting your headmaster like Phil had prepped him to expect. The two ballclub-owning rivals loved him! The suite? Too big, and too gizmo’d up to go into details, and besides, details were a bit sketchy because by this point of our telephone briefing, PJ had become a tad excitable, and majorly incoherent. Anyway, he says he’s going to draw me a map later. The company and conversation? Well Bucpower.com kudos aside, Phil reckons that Messrs Glazer and Huizenga seemed more interested in discussing Manchester United’s accounts and financial standing than anything concerning the lads in red and pewter and their ongoing performance against Miami. I’m told that at Malcolm’s request, the Rio Ferdinand soccer transfer fee was discussed and criticised at great lengths, whilst Wayne thoughtfully entertained young Sam with an impressive knowledge of ‘Warhammer’, and ‘Mech Warrior 2000’! According to PJ, the only Bucspeak of note concerned new HC Gruden, and even then the hosts were to remain pretty non-committal about the coaching ability and man-management qualities of this “very tense young man’. It seems crazy to think that the guys had bothered to do their homework on Phil, but that they apparently did has to be applauded and seen as a huge compliment. Both Paul and Phil have worked diligently over the last five years to mould this small group of football fans into what it is today; the most forward thinking, member friendly and flat out finest booster club on either side of the Atlantic. The pair ought to feel suitably proud that their efforts should have once more earned the respect and recognition of the entire Buccaneer footballing family; a support which looked to have all but dried up back in the heady but insular days of 97. Good work guys. If there’s any new-found opportunities to be had following such a visit, lets grab them! As for a first hand insight into the 2002 preseason roster fillers, alas no such meaningful report proved forthcoming. It’s to be expected I suppose. Like myself, Phil’s head will be filled with thoughts of fantasy football opportunism at this time of year, and with league members knowing everything there is to know about Buccaneer backups, preseason is the time to watch everyone else’s offense but your own. It’s a time when you’re more concerned with whether Ken Yon Rambo is making the 3rd receiver job all his own in Oakland, or whether Antwaan Randle El is likely to be returning punts in Pittsburgh. The desire to steal a march on your fellow owners can sometimes test the most fervent of allegiances. The Bucs FFL makes you that way. It’s sad I know, but I was just thinking the other day about the shameful probability that I put more swatting and prepping into July’s fantasy football draft than I did into the whole of my O’level exams! Inexcusable really when you consider that the relative results will no doubt be the same. It’s a measure of just how badly my team is shaping up when two of my protected (and therefore most talented) players are subject to attempted drafting by three rival owners during said same draft. Flattery I welcome, and second guessing I can live with, but when those two players don’t warrant a sniff until the 21st (and last) round, one begins to question his team’s ability and his co-owner’s integrity. Briefly looking at the Buccaneers from further afield, it would appear that Saturday’s embarrassing offering against Washington did at least serve to answer a few depth chart questions if very little else. Following a pitiful preseason in which he fumbled, offered up interceptions, and (as is his want) invited far too many big yardage sacks, Rob Johnson appears to have leapt from possible starter to probable third stringer. Brad has thankfully locked up the starting role, but the battle between Rob and a ‘coming up on the rails’ King for the right to back him up looks to be simmering nicely. Expect no repeat of the Flutie/Brees ‘love in’ here as the final warm up against Houston decides their ultimate fate. I’ll admit to being one of Michael Pittman’s harshest critics, but I derive no pleasure in saying that the running game at time of writing, really worries me. Pittman is a new addition to a new system who hasn’t yet seen enough of the field to bank any meaningful reps. It’s telling that a few Buc correspondents felt compelled to tout Saturday’s ‘Skinning’ as an opportunity for Mike Alstott to step up and challenge the new man. Many were looking for the A-train to demonstrate that he could once more be relied upon to contribute as the team’s feature back! Add to that the fact that as a result of running free against the Skins, Paul’s favourite backup Aaron Stecker has been receiving well-deserved ‘supersleeper’ recommendations, and perhaps, just perhaps, a shake-up in the backfield could be on the cards. Michael admittedly looked sharp in the Miami opener before succumbing to his ankle injury, but this niggly ailment theme looks like it might run and run (unlike the man himself). Releasing Jerry Wunsch, and repositioning veteran yet system nieve O linemen is only going to add to the running games woes. On the ‘D’ front (literally), it’s good to see end Greg Spires staking a claim for more playing time, and a probable start for the injured, and underachieving Marcus Jones. Spires has hit the ground running (and tackling) since his offseason move, and even before Jones went down with a sprained meniscus, it's fair to say that he stood a good chance of unseating the starter regardless. It’s pleasing to see such a relatively small guy playing with so much more heart and energy than the big fella. Talking of big fellas, more to come (of that I’ve no doubt) from PJ’s inside dish next time round. Tony Smith August 2002