Week 1 in the NFL
Yes Buckettes, your favourite columnist is back from his extensive tour of India and the sub-continent. Well it worked for the Blues Brothers and Bucko is not even on a mission from God.
Loved the new NFL advert offering fans the chance to interview Ray Lewis at the Super Bowl. The ad shows a cute kid asking him questions like "what is your favourite colour" and "do you like animals". Bucko would start with a question like "were you an accessory to murder at the 2001 Super Bowl?"
And talking of questions, Fox Sports had their usual ticker asking people to submit ones to their officiating guru Mike Pereira. How about "are all your mates enjoying watching the games being officiated just as well without you?"
Greg Schiano wins his first game as a head coach and the Gatorade stays firmly on the sideline. Obviously the Bucs' players have no balls otherwise the coach would have needed a towel. Where are the likes of Kellen Winslow, Brian Price and Tanard Jackson who would have been behind organising it anyway?
Fox Sports have decided in their infinite wisdom to make Mike Martz a colour analyst this season. Outside of pitying Ron Pitts for having to work with the only person who thinks Mike Martz is a genius, one can only assume that this is Fox being forced to employ him as part of a quota system.
And talking of idiots, have you seen those incredibly annoying NFL Network adverts featuring the bearded bloke in the all-blue suit talking like someone from the NFL UK Forums? What is it with people in sky blue tops spouting rubbish about the NFL?
Still on a mission from God is the bench-warming Messiah himself, Tim Tebow. That was no passes and only five rushes in garbage time on Sunday for the worst pro passer since Shaun King. When you are being outplayed by Dirty Sanchez, then you know your days as an NFL signal-caller are numbered.
Cam Newton didn't look quite so smug and happy with himself last Sunday did he? Some people have said that his work ethic has not been the same this past off-season. Perhaps he needs to back to college and steal another lap-top so he can watch game film at home.
Week 1 always produces its set of upsets and this site's editor was bragging about having called the Redskins to win in New Orleans in Robert Griffin's pro debut. If he hadn't have done it whilst watching Adam Ant in concert with his Miami-supporting mate, it would have earned him a lot more street cred.
Quick look ahead to Week 2 - it's Handshake Bowl as the battle of the Jims, Schwartz v Harbaugh takes place. The over/under on questions about the handshake is around 300 on the Vegas sports betting wire but Bucko's advice is the same as in Spaceballs - may the Schwartz be with you.