Week 1 2011
Does Peyton Manning hereby win the 2011 NFL Most Valuable Player Award simply for not even playing this season?

Nice to see all of the different TV networks doing their bit for female equality by continuing to employ 93% of their sideline presenters as female. Anyone would think they are there for eye candy alone.

Then again, have you see Laura Okmin without her make-up? It is delivered by cement mixer and takes three staffers to apply it. And all just to provide useful insights such as "It's hot here on the sideline".

Kudos to Sky Sports for their new-look studio for the 2011 coverage. Moving Kevin Cadle from the left to the right was all it needed. Universal approval for the new presenters (but can we please have subtitles for Cecil Martin?) although one e-mail from an unemployed fan called Nick in Hampshire did say "I think the new coverage is crap".

Week 1 temporary heroes - Cam Newton for at least turning up. Then again, JaMarcus Russell looked good occasionally at the start of his career. And Interceptasaurus Rex for actually giving Redskin fans some brief hope. It won't last.

Week 1 goats - the Rams for taking the lead against Philadelphia - all you did was provoke them. It was like the scene in Blazing Saddles where Gene Wilder tells Sheriff Bart not to shoot Mongo as it will only upset him. The Kansas City Chiefs for managing to lose by 34 at home to Buffalo - domain hosts have been overwhelmed by requests to register firecassel.com and firehaley.com.

Don't you love the way NFL fans now cheer when there is an actual kick return? An NFL team having a specialist kick returner now is about as much use as a trumpet was for Anne Frank's 12th birthday.

Everyone see the high-scoring opening game on Thursday night in Green Bay? All Bucko saw was two teams that simply cannot play defense. Gregg Williams has to be the most over-rated defensive co-ordinator since Monte Kiffin in 2008.

Is there a new rule that each TV network has to employ one newly retired player to their analysis studio each year? By 2014, ESPN will have their own 11-man football team in the studio with Lesley Visser in charge for being the one gridiron babe who can probably do her own make-up.

Top Five Power Ranking - 1 Green Bay, 2 Philadelphia, 3 Baltimore, 4 NY Jets, 5 New Orleans.

Can anyone give Bucko a good reason why NFL teams cannot suit up all 53 men on their roster? The other seven are all on the sideline and get paid the same if they play or not. What is the problem with them being able to play special teams?

Ever since Jon Gruden went to the commentary booth, has he yet to see a young quarterback he doesn't like? This is the ultimate definition of irony after how many veterans he went through during his time on the sidelines in Oakland and Tampa. All he is doing is avoiding pissing anyone off in case he gets the coaching gig with their team next year. But special props to Ron Jaworksi for saying "shit" on air during the Miami v New England game. Who wouldn't use an expletive like that when you are commentating on Chad Henne?

The five in the running for Andrew Luck next April - 1 Indianapolis, 2 Kansas City, 3 the field.

Unbelievable stat of the week - Kerry Collins passed Joe Montana for 10th all-time in passing. And Vinny Testaverde is ahead of both of them. If you ever wanted proof that longetivity does not mean more than ability, that is it.